come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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