i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
