Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
