I wish my penis had an off switch
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
