I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize