Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
