Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
