I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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