god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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