I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
