The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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