you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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