There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
