Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
