I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
