I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
