I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
