'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
