Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
