Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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