I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
