I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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