I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
