R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
