Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
