"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
