Will you blow on my dice?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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