I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
