If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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