found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
