So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
