she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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