you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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