That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
