I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
