I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i believe in u and ur pee
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