Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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