Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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