I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
