Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
