He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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