Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
