its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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