I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
