Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
