i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We need to get me chipped asap
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
