Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
