My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
