i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
