You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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