those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
