I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
