Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
