omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm both gender and math confused
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
