so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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