he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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