You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
