did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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