is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
