he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
