There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
