I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
