i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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