so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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