she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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