All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
