Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
