Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
