So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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