Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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