i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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