my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
