I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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