I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
