we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
