And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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