We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
