And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I deserve this hangover.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
