Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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