I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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